Rule #1 for Pirate Hostages: Don’t Get Stoned
Don’t get high, don’t piss anyone off, and try to smile every once in a
while: These are just some of the handy tips that can help you make
your captivity in the hands of Somali pirates more enjoyable. The waters around the Horn of Africa are getting more dangerous for seafarers.
Hijackings by Somali pirates are on the upswing this year, deadly shootouts with mercs and hijack attempts against warships continue and pirates are holding hostages for as long as 13 months.
EU Navfor, the European Union’s naval forces countering piracy off the coast of Somalia, has responded to this crisis with a handy pamphlet, “Surviving Piracy Off the Coast of Somalia,” containing all the wisdom you need to make the most of your captivity.
One tip from elementary school is particularly helpful: Just say no to drugs.
Khat is a leaf with amphetamine-like effects common in Somalia, particularly among pirates, and may be available to you while detained on board your captured ship. Though borrowing from your captors’ stash may provide you with some “temporary relief” from the drudgery of captivity, it can bad for your health in the form on an acute pirate beatdown. The “negative effects of withdrawal symptoms and increased tension due to cravings,” the pamphlet warns, can irritate your pirate hosts and result in “unnecessary violence.” In other words, nobody likes a cranky junky, particularly not pirates, so be smart and politely decline if offered drugs.
Khat crankiness applies to pirates, as well, so keep your distance. “If the pirates on board your vessel use this or other drugs,” Navfor warns, “you should be careful to avoid any confrontations whilst they are under the influence of such substances.”
Which leads to another piece of penetrating insight from EU Navfor: It is vitally important that you not annoy the armed men standing all around you. As the pamphlet says, “piracy is a business.” Your hosts have an incentive to keep you alive and in relatively good health while they seek ransom for you and your ship. But if you try to pull a Steven Seagal circa Under Siege on them, the cost-benefit calculation of keeping you alive, should you fail, will shift against your favor. Navfor recommends you “be cooperative.” “The pirates may stage violence or acts of intimidation,” but that’s all just part of the negotiating process. When asked to “pose for photographs, or muster on deck in clear view,” do so promptly. The photos help the pirates prove you’re still alive and good attendance at mustering time can avert a potentially lethal misunderstanding about your whereabouts.
Also, as with everything in life, a smile goes a long way. When interacting with your pirate hosts, Navfor’s pamphlet advises you to be “good-humoured” because “you are less likely to be the subject of abuse or violence if you are ‘liked’ by your captors.” You will have to improvise your own charm offensive, however. More specific tips on how to win friends and influence pirates are not provided.
You might want to brush up on your kidnapping survival skills now. It remains unclear whether pirates will furnish you with a copy once you are captured.
Photo: EU Navfor
By Adam Rawnsley